I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
