Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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