He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
