We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That's intense
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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