is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
