Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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