Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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