I think my fart just growled at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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