you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do herpes really smell.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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