Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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