Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
