My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
