it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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