yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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