I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize