i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
