He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
