If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
