I wannas sexs uuuuu
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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