I haven't been this sober since birth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize