I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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