this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
