Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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