She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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