I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
