this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
