its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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