Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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