Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
