the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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