Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
