Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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