No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
