You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
