I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
