does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
