I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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