Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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