I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You ruined the universe
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
