i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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