Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
