Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize