walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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