Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
