I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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