I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
