Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
now i know why i became what i already was.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
