Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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