Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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