so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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