U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
