I cockslap morals
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
