Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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