Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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