The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize