just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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