and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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